A Tribute to My Father: Make the Most of Time with Loved Ones

My favorite picture with my father Doug

My father was a frequent flyer at the local flea market. If the Tri-Cities Flea Market had a loyalty program, he would have earned platinum medallion status. 

Over the years as my father perused the aisles of potential treasures, two thoughts dominated his mind: 1) “I might need it.” 2) “_______ (a close friend or family member) might like/need this.”

And so, he took his purchases home in plastic shopping bags (a LOT of them), double tied at the top. Once he got home, he either tossed the bags on the couch, floor, or table to be put away or delivered to the intended recipient (at some point, perhaps), or he hung them on a hook of some type in his garage. Along with many many others already hanging there. 

Did you know that plastic shopping bags, even when they’re double tied snugly, can’t hold valuable trinkets forever? After a certain amount of time, they simply crumble, spilling their contents and disintegrating into a lifeless heap. 

Sometimes my father would bring me a flea market trinket. They were usually related to interests he knew I had—for example, a book about the history of theatre (because he knew I loved to act in community theatre plays). I found it endearing that he was thinking about me. But the trinkets were a poor substitute for what I really wanted from him. What I longed for more than anything was his time. A closer relationship. While thoughtful gifts are appreciated, relationships thrive on time and shared experience. 

I’m thinking about my father a lot as Father’s Day 2024 nears. It’s my first Father’s Day without him, so I imagine it will be a difficult one. I’m so grateful that during the last two years of his life, we had a lot of time together. But the reason we had that time together wasn’t something he would have chosen. 

In the fall of 2022, my father’s health took a sharp nosedive. When he called me one evening and asked the usual, “How’s it going, Dad?” his answer was “Not so good. I haven’t been able to hold anything down for a few days.” Thinking that surely I had misheard him, I asked him to repeat himself. Sure enough, he’d been unable to tolerate solids or liquids for days. 

During a trip to a local urgent care facility, they had taken blood samples for some lab work. When his primary care doctor called with the results, they strongly urged him to either go to the emergency room or to see a kidney doctor. He made an appointment with a nephrologist for the next morning, and when we talked that evening, I said I would pick him up and take him. Upon my arrival the next morning, I took one look at him and knew we needed to head straight to the emergency room instead. 

What followed this visit was a sobering hospital stay including dialysis, and then frequent doctors appointments over the next weeks with his primary care provider and specialty care providers. I honestly thought we would lose him. His recovery, though gradual, was remarkable. 

Once he stabilized, he was still a shadow of his former self. No longer able to care for himself completely or to climb the one level of stairs to his apartment, we were forced to prepare him for a swift transition to an assisted living facility. 

If my father had been open to letting me help him declutter and organize (I had been begging him for years), we wouldn't have gotten into such a dire situation. We could have worked gradually, making sure to pass some things along to loved ones whenever possible. But in the end, because he waited, he had no choice. It all had to be done on my terms in a hurried timeline. 

Why do I tell you all of this about my Dad? I’m hoping that his story will teach a valuable lesson. 

Ephesians 5:16-17 advises us to “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.“ This same principle is spelled out in Psalms 39:4: “Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is.”

We never have as much time as we think we will. To repair our relationship with God. Lose weight. Start a fitness program. Have lunch with a friend. Get organized. Pursue our dreams. Declutter and downsize. 

Whatever it is you know you need to do, let these thoughts propel you into action. There is no better time to start than NOW. You don’t have to accomplish the entire goal now. But take that first step. And then another. Enlist a friend for accountability. 

Above all, surround your goals with Scripture and prayer. God promises to be with us every step of the way. He longs to hear His children praying to Him, asking Him to guide them and to walk beside them. Just as Moses encouraged Joshua in Deuteronomy 31 as he took over leadership of the Israelites, so I encourage you with these words: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” 

If Liana or I can help you in your decluttering and organizing journey, reach out to us (contact@uncluttered.faith).